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Ryan Munevar

Seven Broodlings

Max had been nominated for teacher of the year in his district.  The newspaper had done a small article on him.  He meant to frame it but they spelled his name wrong so he didn’t.  The correction was published a few days later but it wasn’t the same.     All things considered his nights consisted of drinking, chasing tail, and getting shot down.     The whole professor in a tweed coat thing and a shitty fake southern accent trying to […]

Raymundo the Hero

Mathew Cole stood with an umbrella above his head in front of his parent’s freshly dug graves in the Santa Monica Cemetery. A light rain was coming down. His lawyer, Mr. Obanion, walked up to him. “Mr. Cole, you will never have to worry about money again,” Mr. Obanion said to him. “I never did,” Mathew said. “You can do anything you want.” Mathew was silent. “Are you going back to school?” “I am not.” “Will you consider it later?” […]

OK, So I Died

OK, so I died.  World of shit right?  No it wasn’t really that bad.  It’s warm, like laying in a bath with the lights off.  Not quite silent, not quite loud, but you can hear this roar coming closer. Gets really loud, and suddenly the roar stops and I hear a drop of water hitting a pool. The lights go up slowly and I’m there. It’s a doctor’s waiting room.  Oil paintings of a boat on the wall.  Nice calm […]

In the Drunken Whorish Fever

Ohh Jesus… Where am I? What the fuck am I doing in an elevator? Think, damnit. What was the last thing you did? Is that a wine bottle in my hand? Why, yes, it is. A little sip won’t do any harm.      Tastes horrible. Dead grapes turned into purple red piss. Maybe I’ll have another one.      “Sir, are you going up?”      What the fuck? Who said that? I’ll fucking kill you for sneaking up on me like that. Oh, it’s […]

I’ll Take My Nubiles Muslim Style…

I’m cooking in the kitchen, a nice Turkish dish this girl taught me a while back…  Just taking it easy for one night.   When Nadia, my roommate, comes in the front door all distraught.  She was supposed to be at the movies.      “Did you see Munich?  How was it?” I asked.      “I couldn’t take it, I walked out after 30 minutes…  I just want a solution to the problems over there so I decided to […]

God’s Got Blue Balls

“At six forty seven P.M. your heart stopped.  The doctors tried every available means to resuscitate you but they couldn’t.  I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you died.”             I’m not really sure what the fuck was telling me this but it looked like a little white glowing ball of light.  I’m positive he was a doctor in his past life.             “But look on the bright side.  You’re in heaven,” it said to me. […]

Fuck Sharks

     I was floating in the ocean while taking a piss when the shark bumped its nose into my crotch.      You do know, that they, being the fish, use our ocean as their own personal toilet.      Well, they can go fuck themselves.      But at that moment I felt a bit egotistical, so yea, I made a fist and punched that motherfucker in the nose the next time he made a pass.      He knew it.      […]

Firefly July

Joseph was a child that never stopped smiling. And in the presence of his father he absolutely beamed, so much so that in public people who didn’t even know him would often stop his father and say, “My goodness, what a wonderful boy you have there, and his smile, have you considered putting him in the movies? He could sell anything.”           “Oftentimes I have. Say ‘thank you’ to the pretty lady, Joseph,”       […]

Fat Rash

The point of working out around midnight at an all hours sports club is to avoid the lines at the machines, the beasts in the sauna, and in general people all together.  But even at this hour some of them slip through.  The fat man changing next to me was no exception.  A man so fat that even his skin was repulsed to be near him.  It was the kind of fat that turns the skin a fluorescent red glow […]

Dildo or Vibrator?

It’s 1:51 AM, I’m in Monterey pulling hi-resolution pictures off a NASA website and merging them into a stunning time lapse photography video taken from the International Space Station of the Aurora Borealis over Earth with city lights below, when my friend Matt calls me up from LA.     I normally don’t answer my phone and just let it go to voicemail even when it’s friends or family calling, but Matt always has something unique to say.     “Dude, Dildo […]