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Category : Short Story

Trick

“I fucked your mother…  Fucked her for real,” said the ten year old boy standing next to me at baggage claim 5 of the San Francisco International Airport.      “What?” I asked him.      “Fucked her,” he said again and then winked.      Take into account it was 5:46 AM Wednesday morning and I had just landed after a five and a half hour flight from Chicago O’Hare.  Also I didn’t know who this boy was.   […]

They Cut My Peepee Off

I was calmly walking on the sidewalk heading for a little restaurant to meet some friends when a black Mercedes careened off the road and bumped me about twenty feet forward into the side of a building.  There was a loud crack when I hit the wall and I didn’t feel any pain except for a strange numbness all over my body.  I heard a woman in high heels get out of the car and run over.  She stood over […]

The White Barn of Love

“God damnit Boy!  It’s almost sunset…  More white wash!  Get me more white wash!  Go! Go! Go!” Uncle Chucky screamed at his nephew Jojo from atop the ladder.                Jojo ran back to the house and into the garage to grab two more ten gallon pails of white paint.  His aunt Becky came in from the kitchen and frowned.  “What does he want with all that paint?” she asked.   “He’s pissed at them again,” Jojo grunted.  He ran […]

The Brown Bandits

Putano Chulupe squinted his eyes and heaved.  His gut muscles strained and quivered as beads of fat sweat slid down his face.  He closed his eyelids as the wet salt burned into them.  And soon, the flashes of white light began.      “Mama…  Mama Rosita!” he groaned in a Mexican accent.      He remembered Mama Rosita kneading pale brown stretchy dough on the old wood cutting board in the kitchen.  The way she smiled as she pulled it […]

Stink Fingers

Mr. Gremler needed five hundred dollars in three hours or else Mobombo Jackson, the bookie, was going to cut his balls off and make him eat them for breakfast.  Mr. Gremler had always been rather partial to his testicles and whenever he thought about them and their future a wave of anxiety swept over him.  The only way for him to get rid of his anxiety was to go to a nudie bar.  His favorite nudie bar was Stink Fingers […]

Seven Broodlings

Max had been nominated for teacher of the year in his district.  The newspaper had done a small article on him.  He meant to frame it but they spelled his name wrong so he didn’t.  The correction was published a few days later but it wasn’t the same.     All things considered his nights consisted of drinking, chasing tail, and getting shot down.     The whole professor in a tweed coat thing and a shitty fake southern accent trying to […]

Raymundo the Hero

Mathew Cole stood with an umbrella above his head in front of his parent’s freshly dug graves in the Santa Monica Cemetery. A light rain was coming down. His lawyer, Mr. Obanion, walked up to him. “Mr. Cole, you will never have to worry about money again,” Mr. Obanion said to him. “I never did,” Mathew said. “You can do anything you want.” Mathew was silent. “Are you going back to school?” “I am not.” “Will you consider it later?” […]

OK, So I Died

OK, so I died.  World of shit right?  No it wasn’t really that bad.  It’s warm, like laying in a bath with the lights off.  Not quite silent, not quite loud, but you can hear this roar coming closer. Gets really loud, and suddenly the roar stops and I hear a drop of water hitting a pool. The lights go up slowly and I’m there. It’s a doctor’s waiting room.  Oil paintings of a boat on the wall.  Nice calm […]

I’ll Take My Nubiles Muslim Style…

I’m cooking in the kitchen, a nice Turkish dish this girl taught me a while back…  Just taking it easy for one night.   When Nadia, my roommate, comes in the front door all distraught.  She was supposed to be at the movies.      “Did you see Munich?  How was it?” I asked.      “I couldn’t take it, I walked out after 30 minutes…  I just want a solution to the problems over there so I decided to […]

God’s Got Blue Balls

“At six forty seven P.M. your heart stopped.  The doctors tried every available means to resuscitate you but they couldn’t.  I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you died.”             I’m not really sure what the fuck was telling me this but it looked like a little white glowing ball of light.  I’m positive he was a doctor in his past life.             “But look on the bright side.  You’re in heaven,” it said to me. […]