Stink Fingers

Mr. Gremler needed five hundred dollars in three hours or else Mobombo Jackson, the bookie, was going to cut his balls off and make him eat them for breakfast.  Mr. Gremler had always been rather partial to his testicles and whenever he thought about them and their future a wave of anxiety swept over him.  The only way for him to get rid of his anxiety was to go to a nudie bar.  His favorite nudie bar was Stink Fingers by the airport.
     In Stink Fingers he would try to find peace in his soul and stop the shaking of his hands.  He would try to figure out how he would get the money.  But as always happened in Stink Fingers, he soon became wildly drunk.
     “Hey…  I’ll lick your clit for a nickel,” Mr. Gremler offered the stripper on the cat walk.  She just shook her head and kept dancing.
     “Show me your tits!” He screamed at her.  She just ignored him.
     “Come on!  Shake those viscous bastards at me!”
     She gave him the finger and then went back to contorting.  Some of the other guys around the cat walk laughed.
     “I want bush!  I want bush!  I want…” Mr. Gremler was interrupted when the bouncer came up behind him and put an arm on his shoulder.
     “Mr. Gremler.  Let’s not have another incident again.”  Mr. Gremler tried to pull the bouncer’s arm off his shoulder but the bouncer just squeezed it harder.
     Mr. Gremler smiled and then asked.  “Tito, what kind of a way is that to treat this fine establishment’s favorite customer?”
     “Mr. Gremler, please, Korea doesn’t enjoy it when you talk like that to her, especially when she’s performing.  Now if you’ll just sit down and enjoy the show quietly there won’t be any need to get indelicate,” Tito said.
     Mr. Gremler nodded and then Tito let go of his shoulder.  Mr. Gremler sat down and continued to watch the show.  Korea mouthed thank you at Tito and Tito nodded back.
     Mr. Gremler sat quietly.  He needed money.  He needed it badly.  With only a twenty dollar bill left he felt desperate.  He looked at Korea’s crotch and envied her for what she had in her panties.  Not only did he want her happy box, but he also wanted all those sweaty green bills of money sticking out.  He drank the last few drops of beer from the bottom of the bottle and then stumbled drunkenly to the bathroom.
     Two strippers were on their knees in the stalls, their high heels sticking out under the doors as they performed acts of oral evil upon the customers.
     Mr. Gremler smiled as he listened to the sweet music of the whores.  It grew louder and louder until he thought his ears were bleeding.  He spun around and thrust his crotch at the occupied stalls a few times.
     Suddenly he lunged down and grabbed the right ankle of the whore on the left and the left ankle from the one on the right and began to yank them this way and that.
     As the whores lost their hand holds, they kept their balance the only way they could:  Like a pair of mad dogs they bit down for dear life.
     The horrified screams from the Johns in the johns mixed with Mr. Gremeler’s maniacal laughter.  “Dance!  Dance I said!” he shouted.  “Dance your wicked dance you evil lesbians you!”
     And as he felt the madness take hold of him he realized there was a way to get the money.
     A few seconds later he came out of the bathroom sweating like crazy and sat down at his chair to watch Korea dance.  She was tired of dancing but none of the other strippers were back from their breaks yet, so Tito just kept motioning for her to stay on stage.
    Mr. Gremler began to wave her over with the twenty dollar bill.  She ignored him out of spite.
     “Come on!  It’s a twenty,” he said.
     He kept on waiving and started squealing, so she came over just to shut him up.  She gyrated her crotch at him a little and then he stuffed the twenty into her pink silk panties.
     She quickly danced away from him and he laughed hysterically.  She looked at him wondering why he was laughing.
     He put his hands around his mouth like a megaphone and then yelled:  “I wiped my ass with that twenty!”
     She blinked and then started to scream as she ripped all the money out of her panties and threw it on the stage.
     Mr. Gremler quickly crawled up on the catwalk and snatched all the money she had thrown out of her panties.  He stuffed it all into his coat pockets.
     Tito was returning from a strange disturbance in the bathroom and didn’t really know what was going on.  But he figured instinctively that Mr. Gremler had been up to something, so he grabbed him by the hair and dragged him outside.  He threw Mr. Gremler onto the ground and kicked him in the stomach twice.
     Mr. Gremler kept laughing even as he coughed up some blood.  Tito looked down at him and then walked back into the club.
     When Tito was gone Mr. Gremler took the money out and counted it.  Two hundred and sixty dollars.  That was enough for one testicle.
     Life, was good…

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