OK, so I died. World of shit right? No it wasn’t really that bad. It’s warm, like laying in a bath
with the lights off. Not quite silent, not quite loud, but you can hear this roar coming closer.
Gets really loud, and suddenly the roar stops and I hear a drop of water hitting a pool.
The lights go up slowly and I’m there.
It’s a doctor’s waiting room. Oil paintings of a boat on the wall. Nice calm music playing.
A receptionist looks up.
“He will see you now.”
I look at her and give her the smile.
“Who will see me?”
“You know Who!”
“But I want you to say it.”
She stares at my eyes and gives a cold smile before saying it.
“Cool, man.” She twitches at the word “man,” and I walk through the only door.
There’s nothing in the room except for a chair next to a bed with this fat guy on his side
watching TV in it. Pillow under his head.
“Close the door,” he says.
I’m just standing there. He doesn’t seem like God.
“I’m going to pretend I don’t know everything about you, everything you’re going to think,
everything you’re going to say, for the next few minutes… Why? Because I’m just so fucking
He looks over at me.
“How’s it going, man?” he asks with a low chuckle.
Pause… Then. “Are you fucking with me?” I ask.
He starts laughing.
“Fuck yea… That’s the spirit! Come on boy, we’re going for a ride.”
He stands up, naked, his fuck stick was huge. I don’t meant to say God had a hard on, but His
was bigger limp than any porn star’s blood-filled and purple rob I had ever seen.
“Toss me my bathrobe.”
I looked around and saw it hanging from the chair. I picked it up and handed it to him.
“Yea, the ladies like it too.”
“That’s cool, man, that’s cool.”
“Serious, they tremble.”
“I don’t doubt it, man.”
“Like a fucking stallion!” He belched and motioned for me to follow him.
We walk through another door and into a garage with 20 different sports cars and 3 sleek
“Wait, you thirsty, man?” he asks.
“Urgh… Yea, a little.”
“Gin and tonic right?”
“Yea… Sounds good.”
“I like Sake myself, one of the few good things to come out of Asia after I squatted it into
He walks over and makes the drink for me. Then pulls a bottle of Sake out and opens it.
“Toast,” he says to me holding up his bottle.
“To the Japs,” he laughs evilly and we clink throwing back a fat gulp each.
He leads me to one of the sports cars and we get in. A red one.
“Yea,” he says. “I like this color. Red is life; haven’t you noticed it yet? Blood, fire, sunsets,
shit, I even colored magma, the earth’s blood, red. Nobody ever seems to understand. That’s
what I like about you. You seem to get it… Sort of. Don’t go getting an ego now.”
“We start driving, through a tunnel, then out along the coast; it’s California, at night, light
“See, I think I might’ve fucked up something fierce this time. I’ve got all this power, but I
have more questions than answers. One day I woke up just floating out there in the darkness.
Literally, no stars, no gravity, no physics, nothing. Then I feel something separate off, and then
more split from that. But I can control it. Awhile latter I start putting worlds together.”
God grows silent as he drives.
I take another sip of gin and tonic. He should have been a bartender.
“I know you got questions, but shit, I’ve got my own. I don’t know what made me. I want to
know why I was made. Fucking women, and I’ve had them all, is like masturbating to a charcoal
sketch of some girl you imagined one late night. I made you, what you are, hoping to get some
kind of clue. But I don’t have one yet. It was that thing you said before you put it into the
skinny girl with big tits and the nose ring in Olympia. “Let me stir it around in you like God’s
dick in the sea monkey jar.” Fucking struck a chord man. You got it, that’s exactly what I’ve
been doing shaking it up.”
God threw another swig back. The car swerved a bit.
“Don’t worry, man, I got it.”
He stayed in the lane but I could see him tearing up.
“I don’t know who made me.”
He cracks his neck, first right, then left.
“Are you alright?” I ask him.
“No… No I’m not alright. I’m tired, I’m…” he trails off.
The wind that roars by the car gets louder as he pushes the pedal down harder.
“For so long I have made and watched a billion creatures live, die, and pray for me.”
“What do you want?” I ask.
“Fuck it, man… You want to die with me? You think you’re ready for that kind of leap?”
“Fuck it, man… Let’s do it!”
And the car crashes of the end of the road through the metal railing and into the ocean.
God screamed as we flew into the ocean.
So now God is sitting in a straightjacket. His hair is all fucked up and wild.
I’m next to him in a black suit, black shirt, and dark blue tie.
I don’t even know how to tie a tie.
We are on a bench in a garden. With plants I’ve never seen before. They are waving and
undulating in the air. But then I realize they are alive, like sea anemones. It’s weird but I don’t
think of plants as alive even though they are.
“Where are we?” God asks me.
“I don’ know, but if you don’t know, then I think we got problems.”
A giant blue snake. Like 10 meters long, and a meter thick came sliding out of one of the
anemones. It slithered right up to us and raised its head, at least I think it was a head.
“You are now in the garden of space… This is the afterlife for world creators.”